I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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