My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
