My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think your dad took our porno
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize