Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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