Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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