I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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