I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
