hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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