I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My penis needs a shock collar
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
