...so i touched it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
