My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
