I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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