I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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