i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
