look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
