Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
