Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize