We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
