he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is the high leading the old right now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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