she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
