I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
