He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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