Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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