What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
