So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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