Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
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Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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