I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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