Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need water and some morals
Randomize
