just come out here and I will go home with you...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
