i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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