I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
