i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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