Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
