Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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