those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
