i barfeds in our rink
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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