You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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