you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
