then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
