If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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