Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize