i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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