you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I party with great urgency now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
