I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
