it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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