I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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