after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
