I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
