She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
