"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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