if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
