we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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