Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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