a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
