How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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