did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She bit a glass in half.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
