I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
