Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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