i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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