Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
