ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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