You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
