So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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