I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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